He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
