Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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