just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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