If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Don't make out with my wife yet
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
