Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
