Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
