WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
