We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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