Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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