Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
