She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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