I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
