If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
