Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
