we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
