Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
