Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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