You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Actions speak louder than pants.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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