bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
