If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
