I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
