just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
