Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
