somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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