I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you traded sex for a burrito?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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