so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
How's work?
Spinning.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
