I wish my penis had an off switch
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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