You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
