my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
