I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
