I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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