I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
