I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
