tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
