I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
