how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
