Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
