When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
