Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
