His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
