I CAN MOONWALK!
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
