I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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