It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
