Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
