I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
