she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
