"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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