there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
