I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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