well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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